DMC Messages

It is a pleasure to stand before you tonight. I have looked forward to this weekend for a long time and trust that what takes place tonight and tomorrow will be the impetus toward a new era in building the body of Christ at Tenth Church.

This theme of this retreat is “Tending the Sheep.” I don’t need to tell you how difficult a job it is to tend the flock of Tenth Church. There are approximately 1,400 resident members. By “resident” is meant people who live close enough to attend church regularly. That includes church members who travel from Wilmington, Delaware, from Princeton, NJ, from Lancaster and Phoenixville, PA. How do we tend a flock that is so spread out? How do we tend a flock that is so diverse racially, ethnically, age-wise, economically, and other ways? How do we tend a flock with troubled marriages, broken families, lonely singles, struggling sinners, the chronically ill, with special needs, spiritually immature, debt-ridden, and other troubles.

The task seems overwhelming and indeed has overwhelmed many an elder, deacon, and deaconess. More than a few have dropped out because of the demanding nature of the work. And our people have felt the effect. Almost half the respondents to our spiritual health survey indicated they do not know an elder or pastor well. Almost half indicated they do not have a support group to come alongside them in time of need. Many in our church feel unknown and uncared for.

And that will change: both the feeling of being overwhelmed by you and that of feeling uncared for by our people. It will change because all that is needed for change has already been provided by our Lord, the Great Shepherd of the sheep.

WHAT HAS BEEN PROVIDED

For the Church

1. Christ has provided the gifts.

But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift…. to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ… (Ephesians 4:7, 12).

We do not need to devise new gifts and talents for our work.

2. Christ has provided the servants.

He has raised up pastors and elders to shepherd the flock with prayer and with the Word of God. He has raised up deacons and deaconesses to serve the physical needs of the sheep. We do not need to recruit new specialists.

3. Christ has provided the structure by which to shepherd and serve the flock. We understand it through the Presbyterian form, by which the church is shepherded by the elders and served by the deacons and deaconesses. We do not need to look to a business model or a military model or a sports model.

For Tenth’s Flock

1. The Parish System. We have a system by which we can meet our two-fold purpose: to provide pastoral/diaconal care and to enhance community life. It is our responsibility before our Lord, who has appointed us elders and deacons and deaconesses, to shepherd and serve the whole flock, every single sheep. That is what is meant by pastoral/diaconal care. Community life is also known as body life. It is the gathering and the building up of the sheep through their mutual encouragement. The parish system still cannot completely fulfill that need, but it can play a strong role in encouraging such community.

2. The Parish Team. We have a team by which to minister within the parishes. That team is made up of you – the elders, deacons and deaconesses of each parish – all of you. It includes those of you who are ministers and elders, not elected by this church, but who nevertheless are ordained and called by Christ to serve wherever you are.

3. The ACS Database. We have now a database tool that decentralizes access to membership data and which allows for more accurate data keeping. There is yet untapped potential to more adequately communicate and keep in touch with the flock.

4. The TCA System. We have a developing tool that will allow us to keep in touch with every single resident member in the church. We will talk more about this tomorrow.

5. Home Visitation. The elders are developing in each parish a plan and schedule to go out into the homes of their people. Some of you deacons and deaconesses are already making such visits, and we want to see all of you incorporated into this eventually.

6. Training. In the past, we have had little formal training for the weighty responsibilities we carry. You will note and increase in training both in the Diaconate and in the Session. That will continue and develop.

Here is the point. All the pieces of the puzzle are present. If we complete the recruiting of the TCA’s and put into motion home visitation, we will achieve what has seemed the unachievable goal to care for everyone in the church. We will do it. And we will do it if you buy into three principles.

1. We have to go.

Shepherding and serving means that we have to be more than just willing to help those who ask for help. Rather, we desire to go out to our people.

“What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it?” (Luke 15:4).

To shepherd and serve our people, we must go to them. We must understand that our sheep are as likely to stay away as to come to us for help. They may be embarrassed about their troubles. Christians should not have marital troubles. They should not struggle with singleness. Christians should not be in debt. Christians should not struggle with sexual temptation, etc. That “should” keeps them from seeking help. If we are to pastor them and serve them, we have to go to them.

That going may be in church. You walk up to, or sit down with, individuals and ask how they are doing. You take time to probe a little or just be with so as to encourage them to open up.

That going may be a phone call or arranging a place to meet, such as for a meal or in your own home.

That going should include going into the homes of your people. This is where home visitation comes in. Whether it is an elder or a deacon or deaconess, walking into the home of your people signals that you are serious about caring for them. And even if they decline your visit, no one can say “Nobody cares about me.”

2. We have to come alongside.

Shepherding and serving our people means that we willingly come alongside them in whatever state they are in.

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up (Romans 15:1-2).

Apply this verse to yourself as an elder, deacon, or deaconess. How many times have you held back from helping someone because of their attitude? They were not cooperative. They were defensive. They did not appreciate what you have done for them. They would not open up to you. Or they keep getting themselves in trouble, committing the same sins and failing to follow through on the good counsel you have given.

We have got to learn the grace-filled art of coming alongside the weak, whatever that weakness may be – lack of self-control, lack of moral resolve, lack of discipline, and so on. We have got to see ourselves not as rescuers, nor as confronters, but as fellow brothers and sisters with our own failings, who live but by the grace of God, and who will be for our weak brothers and sisters.

3. We have to serve together.

To shepherd and serve our people well, we must work together as a team.
Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel…(Philippians 1:27).

And we have got to see ourselves as a team. We are to strive side by side. We are to go forth together, come alongside our flock together. It is serving alone that creates division, but more so, creates discouragement. Our tasks of shepherding and service are too great for any one person to bear.

But if we are working together, consider what can be done. Do some figuring when you get into your parish teams. You should find that you need to recruit less than 15 TCA’s in any parish to cover the remaining households still lacking. If these TCA’s are faithful in calling their people, you as a parish team will keep up with every single member in your parish every month.

Look at your parish list of shepherds – elders and ministers – in your parish. You are likely to find that the shepherds in your parish could visit more than half the households in your parish on the average of ten visits in one year. That’s less than one a month. Every two years, all the households of the church would receive a visit from a shepherd.

Do you get the idea of what could be done? We could end completely the sentence, “Nobody knows me.” Never again could someone say, “I don’t know an elder or minister in the church.”

Now build on that. The calls are being made by TCA’s; the shepherds are visiting in homes. You meet with your parish team and the reports come in. “I had a good visit with the Smiths. They really appreciated my visit. I learned that…their heater is broken…could use help with budgeting…” So now you think through how to help. Maybe a deacon or deaconess makes a visit. Maybe a deacon goes with his elder. Now you are working together and it feels good. What particularly feels good is that you went to one of your flock before there was a problem and built a good rapport. And that you are working as a team.

It can be done. We can care for our flock, all of our flock. We have an act to do – to go; we have an attitude to assume – to come alongside side; and we have a method – serving together as a team. I am inviting you tonight to join in this glorious calling that our Lord Jesus Christ, our great Shepherd and Servant, has given to us as shepherds and servants of his flock.

Ephesians 6:1-4

1/4/08 D. Marion Clark

Introduction

This is one text in which the Bible speaks directly to children, so I hope the children will listen carefully as I speak directly to you.

Text

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

You know what “obey your parents” means. When they tell you to do your homework, or to put your dishes away after supper, or to make your bed in the morning, you should do what they say. They should not have to tell you twice. They should not have to threaten to punish you. You should just do it.

What does it mean to obey your parents “in the Lord”? Think of it this way. Right now, when your parents ask you to do something, you might think only about them and how you feel about them. So, when your mother says you need to clean your room or your dad wants you to rake the leaves, you think about whether or not you want to obey them. But what the Bible is saying here is to think about obeying the Lord. When you obey your parents, you are really obeying the Lord.

Do you remember the parable that Jesus gives about the sheep and the goats in Matthew 25? He says there are people who will be rewarded for taking care of him when he was sick and in prison. They will reply, “When did we ever help you like that?” And he will tell them that as they helped other people in those conditions, so they were helping him. In the same way, when you treat your parents right by being obedient, you are really serving the Lord.

And when you think in this way, about how the Lord is involved, you will find it actually easier to do what is right. One young person had this to say about the same thing: “I used to argue with my family and at the time I felt it was a nice thing to get anger out…. I started to think about what God would be thinking of all the arguing that I had done.” And that is when he began to change.

So, you are to “obey your parents.” You are to obey them “in the Lord.” And you are to obey them “for this is right.” The Apostle Paul is speaking to you, as children and young people, as he would adults. He talks to you as though he believes you will listen and understand him. He thinks you will do something based on what you know to be right or wrong.

Let’s be honest. Most of the time when you disobey your parents, it is not because you think your mom or your dad wants you to do something bad or wrong, but that you just don’t like what they want. You would rather watch TV than do your homework. You would rather play with your friends than do chores. You would rather stay out late than come home early. You would rather go to parties than stay home. Most decisions to obey your parents are not about what is right or wrong, but rather what you like or don’t like.

The real right and wrong issue that the Apostle Paul is talking about is obeying your parents. Maybe you could get all of your homework done after your TV show. Maybe the party is not so bad as your parents think. You might be right or you might not. But the one thing you can know is right is to obey your parents. That is the point the Bible is making.

Let’s move on to the next verse.

² “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),…

This is one of the Ten Commandments, isn’t it? Let’s look at that word “honor” because it holds the key to knowing how to relate to your parents even when you disagree with them, and even when they may be wrong and you are right!

Honor is something you give to somebody because of their position in life. Here’s what I mean. The Bible says we are to honor those who have positions of authority in government (Romans 13:7; 1 Peter 2:17). That means we are to honor our president, Mr. Bush. In a couple of weeks we will have a new president, Mr. Obama, and we are to honor him. Your parents may like Mr. Bush as a president and not like Mr. Obama, or they may not like Mr. Bush and are glad that Mr. Obama will be president. Regardless, they are still to give either man the honor that is due his office. How do they do that? Well, they are not to make fun of the president, even when they think he is doing something they think is wrong. If they meet him, they should speak respectfully to him, even when they are disagreeing with him. They are to pray for him and his family. And they are to obey the laws that he and the government make.

In the same way you are to honor your parents because they are your parents. Hopefully your parents are great parents, but this is not the reason for the honor. God has given them a position of authority in the home, just like he has given government leaders authority over those who live in their country or city. It is that position of being a parent that you are to honor.

Why is honoring a position important? Think about it. Let’s say we are only going to honor people based on how well we think they deserve it. How do we decide if they deserve it? I know how I decide. If I like the way a person treats me, then I think he deserves honor. If I think he is mean to me, I don’t think he deserves honor. If a person thinks the way I do, I think he deserves honor. If he doesn’t think the way I do, then I don’t want to honor him. You see what’s happening? I make myself the judge of who gets honor or not. I may not be a great judge and be wrong about who should be honored. But even if I am right a lot of times, what I am really doing is putting myself above the very people who are over me. If every day your parents had to live up to what you think they should do, you would be the parent because you would be telling them what to do.

So, how do you honor your parents? You honor your parents by being respectful to them. That means you do not talk bad about them to your friends or make fun of them. Instead, you speak well of them to your friends and others. When you are talking to your parents, you speak in a respectful manner, not yelling at them or speaking to them like they were dumb. You give a lot of weight to what they have to say. You pray for your parents and ask God to bless them. You obey them, and when you do, you obey them without sulking or complaining. That is honor.

Let’s go back to our Bible text: (this is the first commandment with a promise), ³ “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

To put that simply, it means that God will bless you for honoring your parents. And this is another way of God saying that honoring your parents really means a lot to him. If I say to you, “It would be nice if you would go get me a glass of water,” you wouldn’t think too much about it. But if I say to you, “If you will get me a glass of water, I will give you a hundred dollars,” you would think that I really, really want a glass of water! So it is with God. He really, really wants you to honor your parents.

Jesus showed how important this commandment was to him. One time some religious leaders were complaining that they didn’t think he showed enough respect for their traditions. Jesus responded by choosing this commandment to highlight. He said, “You use your tradition as an excuse to disobey the command to honor your parents. You let people get away with not helping their parents in their old age by saying they can give the money to God instead.” See how important this commandment is? God would rather parents be taken care of before money is put in the offering plate.

Now it is time to talk to the parents. Let’s move to verse 4: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

My first thought is what happened to the mothers! No doubt what he says to fathers is also intended to include mothers, but he must have had a reason for specifically addressing fathers. I can think of two. One is that fathers are head of their households and thus hold ultimate responsibility for the management of their homes. One requirement of an elder is that he must manage his household well (1 Timothy 3:4). Fathers may not let go of that responsibility. They cannot turn over the raising of the children to their wives with a “get back to me if you have any problems” memo. So Paul is going straight to the top person of the home.

But it is the next phrase that leads me to think that Paul had at least something specific to say to fathers: “do not provoke your children to anger.” Mothers certainly are guilty of their own share of provoking, but, since Paul is addressing fathers, let’s consider what he may be thinking.

It is easy enough to make our children angry. Make them do homework instead of let them watch their favorite TV show. Make them do their chores instead of play their video games. Let their brother or sister sit up front in the car instead of them. All of these things will make your children angry. Paul is not saying don’t do anything that might make your children angry. If you do “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” you definitely will make them angry because, like you, they are sinners.

But you fathers know what Paul is getting at. It’s the times you speak sharply, not because of your children’s sin, but just because you are irritated. You just want some peace and quiet; you just want a little respect, and so you yell, or you put them down with words like “stupid” or “dumb.” You shut them up before they can explain or even apologize. That’s provoking your children to anger.

Don’t provoke your children. Don’t get into a pattern of dealing with problems simply by making your children shut up. Don’t make your children learn how to “be around with Daddy.” The big mistake many fathers make is that think they have a well-managed home, when what they really have is a family that has learned how to manage daddy’s moods. The children obey, not out of honor but out of self-preservation. Meanwhile, anger is building within them.

Fathers, we know what we want in the home. We want respect. We have trouble enough getting it outside the home. At the least, we think we should get it in the home. Isn’t that a commandment, after all? It is a commandment, and your children are held accountable for obeying it. But have you considered why this is a commandment so important to God? Maybe it is because God refers to himself as being Father? Maybe it is because when God chooses the relationship best to express his connection with those whom he has granted salvation it is that of father to a child?

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, ⁵ to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. ⁶ And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” (Galatians 4:4-6).

How does God feel if such a beautiful passage meant to assure believers of his love, becomes one that troubles them because of the associations that “father” stirs up. And when Scripture, as in Hebrews 12:3-11, explains God’s discipline by comparing it to the discipline of us fathers, how do we think God feels if our children are repelled by such a thought because of the way we provoked our children?

What I am simply saying to you fathers is to take this admonition seriously. There are consequences for you, for your wives, and for your children, consequences that impact your children the rest of their lives. There are adult children sitting in these pews who are still struggling with how to honor fathers who abused them in whatever form or manner. And there are adult children who will never enter this or any other church sanctuary because of the abusive behavior of their fathers.

Do not provoke your children to anger, but rather “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

That phrase “bring them up” is one Greek word which is used only one other time in the New Testament. Back up eight verses to 5:29: “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.” It is that term “nourish.” Fathers are to have that concept in mind. They are to nourish their wives (the point of 5:29), and they are to nourish their children. They are to think in terms of what is best for the welfare of their children; what will help their children to grow into adults who mature in their walk before the Lord.

Do you get that? Our goal as fathers is not to raise children to be successful in the world, and thus we are not to work at making them tough and competitive. Our goal is not to raise children to be like us in the sense of following the career paths that we value or to live where we think are good places to live. Rather our goal is to raise them to know Jesus Christ and to follow after him. All along, we are nourishing them so that they might find their real nourishment in Christ.

And so we are to bring them up “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Scripture, which is the Word of the Lord, is to be our authority by which we instruct our children. Scripture provides the commands, the laws, the authority for what is right and wrong. And Scripture, if we are discerning in our reading, teaches us how to discipline and instruct our children in such a way that promotes learning and obedience. Indeed, if we are discerning, we will be disciplined and edified for ourselves, which is what our children really need. Above all, they need fathers and mothers who model maturity in their walk before the Lord.

Lessons

As we wrap up, this is one sermon in which I am aware of how little I have really addressed and how I have only looked on the surface level into the troubles of the home. There are not some of you; there are many of you deeply grieving or angered or anxious over troubles in your home or that still linger from the home you grew up in. There is an intensity in the relations of a home that deeply affects us all and for good reason.

The relations of a family are life-long. There are friendships that I miss, but the loss of a parent or a child or sibling, and I think even more so, the loss of relationship with a parent or child or sibling – that leaves a void, an aching void in our lives. What keeps hanging over us is what could have been, what should be.

And then there is the problem of knowing what to do in your situation. Some of you children and young people are now wondering what to do about the sins of your parents – parents who lie, who are filled with anger, who are impatient, who even harm you. What do you do? You have the Lord who sees you. You can pray for your parents and pray for yourselves. Because you have a church, you also have people whom God has called to be your shepherds and the shepherds of your parents. They are your pastors and elders. You can come to us and we will help you. Turn to someone here whom you feel safe with and who you know will guide you the right way. Maybe you could be the ones to get your parents to ask for help themselves.

And for all of you, know that it is not too late to do something. Fathers, if you could just get over your pride, you would be amazed at the healing you could bring into your home, especially when you ask for forgiveness. The capacity of our children to forgive is perhaps greater than our own. Mothers, if you could get over your hurt feelings for not being appreciated, you could instill great blessing into your home when your family sees in you true contentment in the Lord. Children – both young and adult – if you could look beyond your hurt to the healing that you have in Jesus Christ, and if you could see into the hurts of your parents and your siblings, you would find in yourself great power for forgiveness and to bring healing.

Let us all remember Jesus Christ our model. He is the model Shepherd-Father who tenderly cares for his sheep. He is the one who loves us as a mother hen loves her little ones. He is the one not afraid to be called our Brother. He is one who as a son learned obedience through what he suffered. He knows our hurts for he has experienced them all, not from his Father but from all others who should have loved him.

He loves you. He loves you the child in the home, the teenager turning into an adult. He loves you the mother trying to hold your family together; he loves you the father weighted with responsibility for your home. He became like you, “so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help [you] who are being tempted” (Hebrews 2:17-18).

There is still a chance to make things right, indeed, more than a chance for any of us when we turn to our true blood-relative, Jesus Christ.